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Sankt Piterburh, Petrograd, Leningrad, Санкт-Петербург: brainchild of Peter the Great, seat of the Romanov dynasty, Venice of the north, Axis from which the Revolution spun, and now host city of the 2005 beard competition results.

The sleeper sided into town. Four sleepers got out and met a fifth. Lucy. We all had breakfast and woke up. The skies were wide. You could smell something fishy and the gulls knew it. Like Cheltenham, but not very. It was regal, it was regency and it was being redone. Soon no-one would know Communism ever happened. Deep underground the metro was a socialist, but it was kept behind black doors. Up above: Domes of spilt blood, a golden skyscatcher spire, admiralties, military academies, the gilded halls of the Winter Palace and Oktober's battleship - Aurora. Sailors dressed as sailors. Brides rode bronze horses and toured the town. Canals cut out islands. There was a club that wouldn't stop celebrating the new year. We laughed in the streets. The Hermitage is the federation's most visited place - no wonder the old guy upped and left. It could last you a good five years in eight second per exhibit snippets. With a ballet, we left, asleep, for Tallinn.